I thought this was going to be one of those stupid women’s magazine-esque articles on “how to keep your man happy!!!!” but this was actually a really inspiring read with great advice for marrieds of all ages.
All the crap you read in magazines about honesty, sense of humor, communication, sensitivity, date nights, couples weekends, blah blah blah can be trumped by one word: loyalty. You and your spouse are a team of two. It is you against the world. No one else is allowed on the team, and no one else will ever understand the team’s rules. This is okay. The team is not adversarial, the team does not tear its members down, the team does not sabotage the team’s success. Teammates work constantly to help and better their teammates. Loyalty means you put the other person in your marriage first all the time, and you let them put you first. Loyalty means subverting your whims or desires of the moment to better meet your spouse’s whims or desires, with the full understanding and expectation that they will be doing the same. This is the heart of everything, and it is a tricky balance. Sometimes it sways one way and sometimes the other. Sometimes he gets to be crazy, sometimes it’s your turn. Sometimes she’s in the spotlight, sometimes you. Ups and downs ultimately don’t matter, because the team endures.
I love this more than I can even say.
Reblogging because I have seen what happens when this isn’t allowed to happen in a marriage. That’s not a marriage. It’s management.
Also, because of reasons.
7. Have kids. Are you joking? So I guess I should give myself an extra pat on the back for managing 15 years without popping out a mini-me? Or does it make me less of a person?
Stupid list is stupid.
That being said, I always bitch to his mom, and she is always on my side, heh. Part of our pact is I get them in the divorce
Just a little side note. All of the other steps include five or more sentences and many examples. This is her quote from the article on having children:
Kids stop you from being as crazy as you want to be. Because when you have kids, you can’t be that crazy.
For example, when I had kids, I stopped smoking.
Okay. I assume you consider inhaling a combination of somewhat toxic chemicals into your body as “crazy,” but I feel that you are neglecting to mention that having children is an incredible strain on a marriage and well, kind of crazy.
You have sleepless nights and you are constantly elbows deep in shit and/or vomit. You may have a colicky baby and you may have to deal with postpartum depression. Your sex life and freedom go out the window as well, for a little while at least. There is a huge financial strain and the thing can’t be left alone for years!
I mean, it’s great when you want children, but it’s a little fucking crazy, don’t you think?
Also, I want to throw this out there. There is a slight divorce rate within the first five years of marriage , about 10% or so. That number jumps up to 30% by the 18th year of marriage and peaks at 40% when the couple reaches their 50’s.
Children may make you stay married for longer, but they won’t fill that void inside that is telling you that you’re miserable in the marriage. Find another reason to stay married.