06 3 / 2014
I think a guy just walked into my store with dried old blood on the bottom of his jacket. I’m not sure how to handle this…
04 3 / 2014
I’m pretty fucking excited to go on a jungle trek to view ancient Mayan temples!
13 2 / 2014
I have a day off! Kind of. I still had to call in that I wasn’t going to make it, but everyone was like “Good. Don’t come in, we won’t need you anyway!”
I’m going to attempt to do at least some things that I’ve been putting off for a while, such as:
- knitting a commissioned hat
- Cleaning up a bit (mainly desk and other surfaces, and living room, and the dog house fort Corben just built for our dog. Eventually.)
- Teaching the kiddo some more Spanish (review up to 10, learn 11-20, ABC’s song)
- Also teach how to make Valentine’s day cards for friends at daycare
- Speaking of cards, I feel like a piece of shit for not getting this out to you sooner (or like 2 months ago), but I’m finally going to finish up your card, igetwet, and throw in some other awesomeness because you deserve it for being the most patient dude ever! It’s actually like, the second thing on the list, but I saved it for last because it kinda seemed like a last on the list kind of thing.
Also today, I will try not to freak out about them not actually needing me in the store. I know no one will be in there anyway, and I would be a burden on the payroll, and that profits are usually up quite a bit while I’m there, and I really don’t need to risk me or my child’s life getting to daycare & work in (currently) 5 inches of snow.
I also took off a half day yesterday because I had to take the kiddo to the dr’s for an ear infection. I just feel like it’s too many days off, but what can you do. At least it’s legit excuses.
08 2 / 2014
03 1 / 2014
01 1 / 2014
The beginning of last year started off with me crying every day, unable to sleep at night or had nightmares if I did, was unable to control my anger, and considering any escape from that amount of pain I was feeling.
At the end of January, my now ex husband asked me if I even loved him anymore and if I wanted to be with him. I had left him briefly in July 2012, but was convinced that I was being a little crazy, PMS and the month my mom died can do that I guess.
My husband asked that question. I was quiet for a long time. Then I decided to be honest to myself and everyone else for once.
I said no, I didn’t love him at all.
Immediately after, it was like this giant weight was lifted from my shoulders and I felt better. It was so magical. My family was not very supportive, but I was able to reconnect with friends that I had long neglected. They gave me a place to crash on the weekends so I could get away from my ex, since I didn’t yet have the funds to move out. Michell was able to find me a job where I’m able to support myself, even though I was out of the work force for five years. She deals a lot with mental health issues, so she never once blinked at any of my terrible thoughts. Chris provided a ton of platonic emotional support and never once minded 3am emotional phone calls or texts, mainly because he worked night shift and was up anyway. We would talk all night. He really taught me how to open up again.
I was never able to truly open up with my ex, and that is unfortunate and obviously not a good thing for any married couple to do. Having my son really opened my eyes to what was happening in the marriage, and I really felt like I tried. But when you have to walk on eggshells to talk to someone, and you’re already incredibly emotionally tender, any kind of communication will just stop. Talks will become frivolous and short. There are no open ended questions asked. You become two strangers living in a house, unsure of who the other really is.
We sold our house, but still awkwardly lived together for a while. Then I filed for divorce. It was the best decision I made in a long time.
I now live on my own, with my dog and cat. We split custody with our kid, who has taken this whole experience like a champ. There are nights he has questions and concerns, and we talk a lot about it. He deserves that. So do I.
01 1 / 2014
Still brought the new year in with a kiss.